Specifically Conditioned

These are the last few weeks of life as I know it. My last days as an undergrad in the dorms. My last days with all these people around that I've been privledged enough to know and call my friends. I will be here taking classes this summer, but I will never again live in a community like this. Probably won't use a bunkbed as my primary bed ever again. I won't have the oppurtunity to walk down the hall or upstairs at 2 in the morning and play Smash Brothers with someone else who can't sleep. I'm a little frightened of leaving this life, and a little scared of missing out on cashing in these last few weeks.

The last week or so I haven't been sleeping much. If you check the timestamps on these blogs you'll probably notice a lot of 4 and 5am entries. Something in me just doesn't want to go to bed. I know that these are the last days and I'm trying to soak them up. I remember my first night spent in the dorms... something like 5 years ago. Up all night, finally free of parents and siblings... under a new roof with little supervision. I stayed up until 3 or 4 in the morning, enjoying broadband internet for the first time in my life and getting used to my new room. Funny how things change but don't really get any different. I'm still doing that, and maybe more frequently than before. I know it can't last, and I'm prepared for that. Last summer I was in bed by 11 so frequently that it amazed myself, and I know that when that lifestyle makes itself needed I will adapt to it. But I will miss this. There's something about these early morning hours that just makes everything seem smaller.

I want to try these next 11 days to make the most of my remaining time. I want to stay up all night, have long talks with friends, go to the bars, cram 20 page papers into 3 days of solid work and generally just live life to it's fullest. I don't want to spend them cramming and studying and missing out on my last chance to connect with my good friends. Maybe I should be sleeping when they sleep then eh? I don't know. I don't know. I know that I will miss this. If it weren't for having to take the summer classes 'cause of my back, tomorrow would be my last class ever as an undergrad. I feel like I should chronicle that some way... take pictures, journal, something. I sort of realized this week that a lot of things are over. IV stuff has wound down. I've been to my last large group, small group and area prayer, all without really noticing. I've probably already seen several people that have become good acquaintences for the last time and didn't even know it. I don't want the significance of these things to be lost, but I don't want to mourn their passing either. I am excited for life after college. I am excited for working, for doing something practical, I am very excited about where things with Mary are headed. To me, a life where I can live in the same town as my girlfriend and see her everyday is like... a gift from God every day, and I can't wait for that stuff. But I will miss this life and these people. Very much.