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29 April 2006 

The Day is Mine

I want so much for this blog to be meaningful. It's hard for me to distinguish between what ramblings I would list as being my day to day thoughts, and those topics which I might really feel moved to write something significant about. I have this toy of a thought in my head. It tells me that I can write things that people want to read, and that maybe, with enough practice, that I could be good at it and make money. Toys are fun, but the thing about them is, you either have to grow up, or find more professional toys. That's what I feel like right now, I'm searching for some way to "grow up" and still keep all my toys. I've enjoyed this college life, but I also feel it's futility. Like playing with a day you've outgrown, it might still be fun, but you see the end, and you know there's not really a point anymore. I am ready for something more practical, but I feel trapped here in a lot of ways.

I am ready to transition to the world of the living and working alumni, but that's a transition that fills me with trepidation. The world out there is appealing, and so many of my life goals are out there, but to me it's like crossing one of those little rope bridges, its not the other side I fear, it's the crossing. Mary and I have been talking recently about dreams and goals. We both have a number of them, and we share a number of them, but one that she has that I don't have and can't find is the career dream. I've never wanted a specific career. I've always felt like I would be able to tackle whatever came my way and that whatever that was, if I could be good at it and enjoy it, that would be enough. Recently though I've begun thinking about purpose. Now, I don't think that you have to find purpose in your career, but I don't think it can hurt. I mean, if you are going to spend forty or fifty years of your life doing something, it should matter, and you should be suited to it.

Which begs the question... what am I suited for? Now here I am open for suggestions. I have a bin full of ideas in my head, but what do you think? (I'm asking for suggestions here, seriously, you should comment.) Like I said above, I have this toy idea that I'm a good writer. I also happen to think that have an innate ability to understand certain concepts and explain them in ways that people can relate to. I think I'm a good planner and organizer and that I work well with people. I also know that I don't want my career to consume my life, I want to care, but I want be able to "leave it at the office," so to speak. I know that I need to work in proximity with others, I may not be the most chatterly guy, but I need people around me to give me energy. Now, to me that doesn't really sound like any specific career. Teaching still appeals to me, but I don't feel passionate about it. Writing appeals to me, but I'm not sure I'm talented enough in that area. I'm curious, what do my friends think?