Specifically Conditioned

Afoot? A foot? How's that spelled? I'm going to start writing. Soon.

Was shocked today to realize that its 2010 and the summer of 2005 is more than 5 years gone. Life is short.

I've been listening to Derek Webb's new album more or less nonstop for the last 24 hours and thinking hard about it. I feel it's easier to digest the message when it's separated from the very good (but distracting) music, so I set out to find lyrics. Well, they didn't exist on line yet, so I typed out the entire album (and am including here some songs from Mockingbird as well). It's one of the few times that being able to type 85wpm has really come in handy :-)

Anyway, here are the songs. I am feeling impressed by the album, but in a Love/Hate sort of way, some of it I think is fantastic and other parts I'm still pondering about why they disturb me. I sent Janine the lyrics to "The State" and we've been discussing it together, and we both agree that Christian Libertarianism just doesn't make any sense this side of heaven. I think back to Derek's song "A King and a Kingdom" (lyrics below) and I don't understand why someone who fully understands that we are citizens of heaven would feel such a need for libertarian government in his own nation, especially parties and candidates that (albeit unintentionally) would do nothing for the rights of minorities and women. Anyway, please comment if you're familiar with DW's music or if you just want to read through these and dissect the philosophy :-) Thanks.


Freddy Please

Freddy please, how could you do this to me?
How could you tell me you love me, when you hate me, Freddy please

You know I love you honey
I bleed you dry with money
I talk when I know you can hear
Cause Freddy can't you see, brother you're the one who's queer

Freddy please, how could you do this to me?
How could you tell me you love me, when you hate me, Freddy please.

The stone's been rolled away
put you're picketing my grave
for loving the things that you hate
but why do you seek the living among the dead?

Freddy please, how could you this to me?
How can you tell them you love me when you hate me, Freddy please...
When you hate me Freddy, please...


Black Eye

Black eye, I'm staring through a keyhole at my lover
I swear you it's not from his fist
Stockholm Syndrome comes to where they're keepin you
You never know what time it is

Black eye is all it's gonna take for me to love you
It's written in my constitution
If you go, you know I'm coming with you
I'm blind-bound by love

Time is no friend to the ones who wait for daylight to come
Time looks the same at the ones who hate and the ones that do nothing

Black eye is what I'm gonna paint for your protection
to cover the tracks that you're leaving
I misplaced my face so we can be together
and red lips change how you're percieving

Time is no friend to the one who waits for daylight to come
Time looks the same at the ones who hate and the ones that do nothing


Cobra Con

(Honey)...you wanna rock with the cops on the frontline?
(Honey)...you wanna kick it with the people in the back?
(Honey)...you strike a match and you throw back a cocktail
(Honey)...there's got to be a better way

Cause it is harder to stay
it is harder to wait
to out-love, to out-suffer them
it is harder to stay
it is harder to wait
to out-love, to out-suffer them

I wanna dream up a world I wanna live in
I wanna spray it on a building downtown
I wanna protest, provisions and a paycheck
There's got to be a better way


Cause it is harder to stay
it is harder to wait
to out-love, to out-suffer them
it is harder to stay
it is harder to wait
to out-love, to out-suffer them

I don't wanna wait
No drugs or sleep
I wanna hold your hand grenade
God rest these bombs
Baptize this road
Lie with us in the bed we've made


Cause it is harder to stay
it is harder to wait
to out-love, to out-suffer them
it is harder to stay
it is harder to wait
to out-love, to out-suffer them


The Spirit vs. the Kick Drum

A one and a two and a chicka booma chick

I don't want the Spirit I want the kick drum
I don't want the Spirit I want the kick drum
I know how it works so I'm not dumb
I don't want the spirit I want the kick drum

Like sex without love
Like peace without the dove
Like a crime scene without the blood
I don't want the Spirit you know I want a kick drum

I don't want the Son I want a jury of peers
I don't want the Son I want a jury of peers
My skin is gonna burn if you see my tears
I don't want the Son I want a jury of peers

Like lies without the truth
Like wine without the fruit
Like a skydive without the chute
I don't want the Son you know I want a jury of peers
I don't want the Spirit you know I want a kick drum

I don't want the Father I want a vending machine
I don't want the Father I want a vending machine
I know what I want if you know what I mean
I don't want the Father I want a vending machine

Like heaven without gates
Like hell without flames
Like life without pain
I don't want the Father you know I want a vending machine
I don't want the Son you know I want a jury of peers
I don't want the Spirit you know I want a kick drum


What Matters More

You say you always treat people like you like to be
I guess you love being hated for your sexuality
And love when people put words in your mouth
bout what you believe, make you sound like a freak

Cause if you really believed what you say you believe
you wouldn't be so damn reckless with the words you speak
wouldn't silently consent when the liars speak
denying all the dying of a remedy

Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?
Tell me, sister, what matters more to you?

If I can tell what's in your heart by what comes out of your mouth
then it sure looks to me like being straight is all it's about
yah, it looks like being hated for all the wrong things
and chasing the wind while the pendulum swings

Cause we can talk and debate till we're blue in the face
about the language and tradition that He's coming to save
Meanwhile we sit just like we don't give a shit
about 50,000 people who are dying today

Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?
Tell me, sister, what matters more to you?

Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?
Tell me, sister, what matters more to you?
Tell me, what matters more to you?
Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?


The State

I was free to live and love and kill as I saw fit
I was at peace there really was no one I was at war with
The only common good was that we understood
that laws unjust were only good for breaking
the difference legalized instead of sameness left nobody free

That was the day before
I married my conscience to the State

My taxes paid, these roads were laid to places of my choosing
there were no eyes up in the skys looking down into my bed
There was no government without our consent
and keys were made for anyone who just claimed it
and glass was all of every wall that framed it
from sea to shining sea

but that was the day before
I married my conscience to the State

Right and wrong were written on my heart
and not just in the laws that condemn me
but now with Ceasar satisfied
I can even do the things that should offend me


The Proverbial Gun

Now I can buy the proverbial gun
and shoot the proverbial child
my uncle looks me in the eye
and speaks of freedom

my conscience goes up on trial
in the courtrooms of the mind
where the judges all have sons
and all the lawyers are wounded

and the backs are broke
and the bayliff is my brother
and the witness is my sister
I'm guilty as hell

And by the afternoon I'm out
I'm on the pavement walking
reeking of salt and blood
No hat upon my head
No shoes upon my feet
Picking your body
from my teeth

No stars above me
No stripes upon me
Free...Free...Free...Free...
Free...Free...Free...Free...
Free.....

I Love/Hate You

Baby when I put my hands on you
I feel like I'm touchin the earth
Baby when I put my hands on you
I feel like I'm touchin the earth
Baby when I put my hands on you
I feel like I'm touchin the earth

Cause I'm breaking ground
The soil is wet, slipping through my hands
Cause I'm breaking ground
The soil is wet, slipping through my hands

Baby when I set my eyes on you
I follow the curves of the moon
Baby when I set my eyes on you
I follow the curves of the moon
Baby when I set my eyes on you
I follow the curves of the moon

And the oceans rise
come crashing down onto the shore
And the oceans rise
come crashing down onto the shore

But your love is a noose around my neck
and I give up and I know I will regret it
your love is a weight around my legs
I don't know who I am unless you're holding me

Baby when I listen to your words
you whisper to me like the wind
Baby when I listen to your words
you whisper to me like the wind
Baby when I listen to your words
you whisper to me like the wind

But their strong enough
to blow me down and destroy my house
But their strong enough
to blow me down and destroy my house

But your love is a noose around my neck
and I give up and I know I will regret it
your love is a weight around my legs
I don't know who I am unless you're holding me


Baby when I listen to your words
Baby when I set my eyes on you
Baby when I put my hands on you
Baby when I put my hands on you
I love... hate... you


Becoming a Slave

I admire these men, brave and beautiful
grabbing the blade from all the wrong sides like children
They bring skins and smoke
We bring shackles and guns
We trade with them and then we'll take them home


Cause it's simple, it's so simple if they're not like us
Becoming a slave is easier than you think
Becoming a slave is easier than you think
Becoming a slave is easier than you think
Becoming a slave...

There's always a price to pay
it's got to hit somebodies back
trust me new worlds don't just build themselves
progress has more than one face
evil is always its self
theres nothing you can change that doesnt change everything else

Cause it's simple, it's so simple if they're not like us
Becoming a slave is easier than you think
Becoming a slave is easier than you think
Becoming a slave is easier than you think
Becoming a slave...

Talk from every head
Product in every word
its under our feet
you know its over our heads
and everyone's telling the truth
in languages that nobody speaks
if you listen close you hear what you believe

to love vision, to love action
to love vision, to love action
to be what you want...
to be what you want...

we want justice in the system
the strong fear for the weak
we won't just defend the system
we won't accept defeat

we want justice in the system
let's reach a higher peak
we want justice in the system, system, system...



Jena & Jimmy

Jean and Jimmy they met at a rally to bring our boys back from the war
Jimmy was dancing he was dancing like crazy showing no mercy to the dance floor
Jena was mindin she was minding her busyness she did not want no company
till Jimmy saw her like a lamb to the slaughter and he coaxed her over with a martini

And Jimmy said...
Oooo Oooo Oooooooo Oooo Oooo oooooo
Oooo Oooo Oooooooo Oooo Oooo oooooo

She could feel it hitting her bloodstream
before she knew it she was up on his chopping block
and he was flaggin down a taxi

And Jimmy said...'
If you give me your love I'll give you my love I'll give you my love
Gonna take one kiss to shut you up and that'll be enough
If you give me your love I'll give you my love I'll give you my love
Gonna kiss your lips to shut you up

She told him stories of social injustices and constitutional rights
He smirked and turned his head, just lighten up he said, baby we got all night
Jena was beautiful and spoke convincingly he listened just like a priest
his best shot at stopping her was if he co-opted her
so he got two more rounds of drinks

And Jimmy said...
Oooo Oooo Oooooooo Oooo Oooo oooooo
Oooo Oooo Oooooooo Oooo Oooo oooooo

Jimmy held her like an enemy
then toasted global peace and dovetailing interests
as he threw his shot back with a wink

And Jimmy said...'
If you give me your love I'll give you my love I'll give you my love
Gonna take one kiss to shut you up and that'll be enough
If you give me your love I'll give you my love I'll give you my love
Gonna kiss your lips to shut you up

If you give me your love I'll give you my love I'll give you my love
Gonna take one kiss to shut you up and that'll be enough
If you give me your love I'll give you my love I'll give you my love
Gonna kiss your lips to shut you up


Heaven

I was killed in a shopping cart
turned upside down and left for dead
I saw a clown try to speak to me
as I floated overhead

I found my way to a familiar place
I swear I'd been sometime before
I would have thought it was the marketplace
but I could not find the door

Oh I have been to heaven
and I have walked the streets
but I couldn't find a hand to hold
to keep me on my feet

so paradise is a parking lot
a spot up front is your reward
and all the rest walked down streets of gold
to the house they could afford

well I got lost in the swelling crowd
and I could not afford to eat
you only have what you came in with
so I'm living on the street

Oh I have been to heaven
and I found no relief
cause I couldnt find a hand to hold
to keep me on my feet

well I heard Jesus Christ was there
he had a car that's bulletproof
and that way everyone is safe
from the man who tells the truth

Oh I have been to heaven
and I have walked the streets
but I couldn't find a hand to hold
to keep me on my feet
no I couldn't find a hand to hold
to keep me on my feet


What You Give Up to Get It

Like sex when you're too young
Like youth when you've got none
Like home when you're too drunk]

Getting everything you want with a lot of bad credit
was never quite worth what you give up to get it

like style made by slaves
like bribes to throwaways
like women who know their place

Like an indian casino and a tank of unleaded
it was never quite worth what you give up to get it

stand back stand back stand back
stand back stand back stand back
You love it now but it's too much
Yah you love it now but it's too much

like fame for what you're not
like joy that you bought
like pleasure that never hits the spot

like security for liberty you gotta admit
it was never quite worth what you give up to get it

stand back stand back stand back
stand back stand back stand back
You love it now but it's too much
Yah you love it now but it's too much


American Flag Umbrella

I'm building a house on the limb
I need something that could stop a war
but i'm beset on all sides
by extremist with eyes on my heart

So I lie to everyone
and I've lied to so many lovers
and I've gotten away with it too
But if God is against us then who can be for us my friends
there's justice for everyone

and please take your hands off my brother
please take your laws off my lover
the agents of law should always be blind and on time
till there's freedom for everyone

and where are your american brothers
american before they were named
they're a huddling mass
no oceans to cross for our shores
where there's fortune for everyone

oppression is always oppression
no matter the reasons or means
for skin or for sex
by stares or by fists
its the same
there's blinders on everyone

I've looked through the eyes of my father
and I've walked through Lincoln's backyard
and there's still a backseat
when you ride on the bus through this town
there's color on everyone.

So we lie beneath the tree of no color
with an American flag umbrella
it keeps the elements out
and it's stuck to the ground in this place
and there's room for everyone

oh I know a way out of hell
we raise all our enemies children
after they've murdered ours
we fix all their scars to our walls
there's heartbreak for everyone

and in the end it will all be okay
that's what the wise men tell us
so if it's not okay
then it's not the end oh my friend
there's hope for everyone


A King and a Kingdom

Who's your brother? Who's your sister?
You just walked past him I think you missed her
As we're all migrating to a place where our Father lives
cause we married into a family of immigrants

So my first allegience is not to a flag a country or a man
no my first allegience is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king and a kingdom

there are two great lies that I've heard
the day you eat the fruit of that you will not sure die
and that Jesus Christ was a white middle class republican
and if you want to be saved you have to learn to be just like him

So my first allegience is not to a flag a country or a man
no my first allegience is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king and a kingdom

and nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we've got one sure as hell
he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
no he may not look like you think


In God We Trust

In God we trust
and the government is on his shoulders
In God we trust
through democracy and tyranny alike
In God we trust
he uses both good and evil men

In God we trust
so we fight for peace and he fights for us
In God we trust
even when he fights us for someone else
In God we trust
even when he looks like the enemy

In God we trust
even though our hearts are bankrupt
In God we trust
for more than just the value of our dollar bills
In God we trust
there's no gold behind these notes of reserve

In God we trust
even through our great presumption
In God we trust
even though he favors the nation-state
In God we trust
even when the blessing is a curse
In God we trust


Rich Young Ruler

Poverty is so hard to see
when it's only on your tv
or twenty miles across town

When we're all living so good
that we moved out of Jesus' neighborhood
where he's hungry and not feeling good
from going through our trash

He says 'more than just your cash and coin
I want your time I want your voice
I wan the things you just can't give me'

So what must we do?
Here in the west we want to follow you
We speak the language and we keep all the rules
even a few we made up

'Come on and follow me
Sell your house sell your SUV
sell your stock sell your security
and give it to the poor'

'Well what is this?
Hey whats the deal
I don't sleep around and I don't steal'

'But I want the things you just can't give me
I want the things you just can't give me'

'Because what you do to the least of these
my brothers you have done it to me
Cause I want the things you just can give
I want the things you just can't give me'

This has been by far the busiest year of my life, made by no means less so by the decision Janine and I made in April to get married. Wedding planning, while not as daunting a task as I had always assumed, sure is a lot of busywork. I can't believe I've not put anything up since February, but then everytime I come back here to post I'm amazed at how much time has passed. Perhaps I will talk to you again, sweet blog, once we are safely past the wedding busyness. Until then, for any of you who are still reading (are you there?), try this site for more news on the upcoming nuptials.

www.janineandjosh.com

25 Random things about me, created by Janine.  Edited by me.

1. I have a lot of patience with animals, computers and children. I see hope in the fact that "things are improving" and can spend hours on the same laptop. However, I want to get married ASAP.

2. I like being masculine: hairy, strong, in-charge and protective. It comes easily to me and I see that as a great blessing. 

3. I must name my first daughter Arcadia (name comes from a character in Isaac Assimov's The Second Foundation). I know I don't have a uterus so this may be hard, but I expect to convince the mother of my first daughter that this is really her name.

4. I love pulling out dozens of screws to fix laptops. That was one of my favorite parts of working at the Help Desk.

5. When I was a kid, my parents were conservatives but had to register as democrats and campaign for Blagojevich to keep their state jobs. I registered as a democrat in order to get better access at scholarships. In college, I rebelled against all this and became a Christian conservative. Now I'd call myself a left-leaning independent.

6. I had many different campus jobs in college. My favorites include working at the Krannert Center gift shop and working as the team "captain" in the Res. Hall library in college. I like to see things arranged in an orderly way, so both libraries and retail have come easily to me.

7. I like wedding rings with heft. You know, something thick and heavy that reminds me that I'm quite married.

8. I like beverages, especially when they are warm, sweet, bitter, alcoholic, caffeinated or cold. I consume a percentage of my weekly caloric intake in beverages.

9. Before Janine met her roommate Betsi, I had dated four of Betsi's friends. I say that dating is two parts confidence, one part charm. I have quite a bit of both.

10. When I went to Girard, I introduced Janine to the town by pointing out every lawn that I had mowed. There is something so satisfying about lawn-mowing: it allows every single strand to be exactly lined-up. The morning of my first date with Janine, I mowed the lawn at church.

11. In college I would attend classes I was not in (but interested in) and skip classes I was enrolled in. If Janine knew me then, she'd deny she knew my name.

12. I don't usually like mac products because they try to sell presentation. However, I love and cherish my iphone. I could hardly imagine life without it.

13. Thirteen is my favorite number, and I have always considered it lucky, despite popular conventions.

14. I eat eggs more than most people eat bread, milk and water combined. I eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Why doesn't everyone like them as much as I do? I don't understand.

15. I don't really like when women are pastors or when they write science fiction. But sometimes I listen to them anyway, and think they're great. 

16. When I read a book, I read every word thoroughly. However, I generally don't stop to meditate on what I read until I'm done. My favorite genres are Science Fiction, how-to and historical fiction.

17. I won the first trivial pursuit/Illinites game the University of Illinois has hosted. However, I returned the DVD player I won the next day to get the cash. I am so smart that I am practical.

18. I'd like to be a patriarch with a litter of children. I know that this is a lot of work and I'm not sure we'll be able to have more than three or four. But, I do dream of being the father of the family: waking up on Saturday and making pancakes for all my children; coaching Little League for my sons and daughters; having lots of sex with my wife. I am a family man.

19. In sixth grade I went to space camp for a week. When I came back, I wore my full body NASA jumpsuit for my seventh grade school photos. I didn't realize this was nerdy until I was 24.

20. I put an outrageous amount of syrup on my buckwheat pancakes. I am a sugar-head.

21. I spent Christmas money from my grandparents on lego sets. I enjoyed every moment of assembling them.

22. I want to get a second bachelor's degree in Computer Science and perhaps a Master's in C.S. after that. I majored in history because I'm good at reading and writing, but it was never my passion. I really love technology.

23. I have fantasies of someday becoming a great grandfather, and looking out on many generations of my progeny.

24. My favorite color is charcoal. I also like burgundy, black and navy.

25. It's a great deal of fun for me to nurture (trees, plants, animals, children) and build (legos, furniture, miniatures, etc) things. I take pleasure in the process of creating, molding and shaping.

Bonus #26: I love Janine Giordano and want to spend the rest of my life doing so.

For Christmas, and for all my brothers and sisters, friends, and future friends...

In all the excitement over the seemingly functional and impressive new build of Windows 7 (yes, final name) Microsoft showed off last week, has anyone noticed that it's not actually the 7th verision of Windows?  I don't get it....